


Of Flying Dice and Too Much Ale

by CelesteJEvans



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Guards, Merlin Memory Month, Merlin with Minor Characters, Mysterious Circumstances, Night shift - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 09:25:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13972089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteJEvans/pseuds/CelesteJEvans
Summary: After a long night, guarding the castle, fellow guards discuss the strange happenings that always seem to happen late at night.





	Of Flying Dice and Too Much Ale

**Author's Note:**

> This is my response to Day Two, Path 2 of the Merlin Memory Month. Not so much a "funniest moment" but what I imagine was a hilarious conversation that HAD to have happened at some point. Enjoy.
> 
> Comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Check me out on tumblr at madamewriterofwrongs

Another day, another misadventure in Camelot, another guard sitting in the pub and wondering what exactly happened. Reneic had been a guard in the palace since he moved into the town 5 year ago. His wife was with child, and he wanted to make a good home for them. He hadn’t expected this employment – or what it would mean for his sanity.

He dropped down onto the stool, and tossed his helmet on the bar in front of him. Behind him, the pub bustled with knights, guards, and other palace workers who were finally ending their night shift.

There was something odd that happened on the night shift – especially in the lower areas of the castle.

Bless the barkeep for knowing exactly what he needed; Reneic nodded his head as the burly man dropped a large beer stein in front of him. “Cheers.” He gulped half of it down in one go.

“Long night, mate?” The guard moved his helmet to let the man sit beside him.

“Just the usual.” He clapped his forearm in greeting. “Another night guarding the cells.”

The other guard waved his hand to order a drink for himself. “What’s so rough about that?”

“You’ve clearly never worked the night shift down there.” Urian, a fellow guard, took a seat beside the ignorant man, boxing him in. “Things happen.”

Reneic hummed in agreement. It was nice to know he wasn’t alone in this. “Tell me about it. Have you worked the main square? You can’t stay upright for more than ten minutes.”

Their uneducated guest scoffed. “Well perhaps if you didn’t spend so much time in the pub” his judgmental statement was cut off by a smack to the back of his head.

A worn man with smell of liquor put his arm around the man. Joryk had been a guard for too many years. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, boy.” His accent was thick but confident. “What’s your name?”

“Filimir.” He muttered, hunching his shoulders at all the attention. Reneic couldn’t help but smirk. This man had no idea what he’d started.

“Welcome to Camelot, Filimir.” The older man raised his eyebrow. “You _are_ new aren’t you?”

“My uncle got me a position as a guard. I start tomorrow.”

All three men chuckled. “Does your uncle like you much, boy?”

“He’s my wife’s uncle.”

“That explains it.” The older man leaned closer. “Strange things happen when you work the night shift. You’re never the same.”

Filimir recoiled, still not completely sold. “Like what?”

Reneic leaned in to the conversation. “Well tonight, I was guarding the cells and playing some dice. Suddenly they went flying; and I don’t mean rolled off the table. I mean it flew across the room.”

Urian choked on his drink and all the men turned to him. “The same thing happened to me the other night.”

“Your dice went flying?” Filimir’s eyes went wide.

“Yes. They rolled down the hallway.” He ducked his head and looked around to make sure no knights were listening. Even though they were both self-proclaimed _guardians_ of Camelot, there was a divide between the guards and knights. A rather pompous divide. “I actually left my post for a minute.”

 Joryk squeezed his arm around Filimir tighter. “Oh, thank goodness I’m not alone.” He leaned closer to the young man, his eyes deadly serious. “They will tell you that you can’t leave your post for anything but when you hear ungodly noises from around the corner, you have an obligation to investigate.”

The other men echoed. “Exactly!”

Reneic took another drink from his mug but stopped in thought. “What a minute.” He raised his voice so the entire pub could hear him, standing on the bar to grab their attention. “Who else has had mysterious occurrences on the night shift?”

The room fell silent immediately. The men stared up at him. Then suddenly, a man near the front gripped his chair and stood to address the room. “There was a barrel in the town square. It knocked me out but there was no one around.” He cleared his throat. “I was too afraid to tell anyone because I thought I might have been seeing things.”

Another man stood up. “The same thing happened to me last week.”

Another man stood. “I was drinking water on my shift but I suddenly woke up several hours later and I felt like I’d been on a bender.”

Another man stood. “My dice never stay on the table.”

Within moments, half of the room was standing and chattering, sharing tales of their adventures during the night. As the hum grew, a knight stood on his table and shouted. “Either all of the doors in the palace are rigged or we need to replace the locks.” A chorus of men roared in agreement.

Reneic let the chatter continue for a few minutes before he banged his mug against the bar to get their attention again. “Alright, we can all agree that strange things are happening around here; but what can we do?”

“Enough, the lot of you.” All eyes turned to the recently silent barkeep who threw his rag down in anger. “Now I’ve heard just about enough out of all of you.” Slowly, the men sat down and listened. “I’ve known you all long enough to know that you’ve spent more time here than you have at home. No wonder you’ve been seeing things.” He looked each man in the eye as he scolded them. “Just because you drink like a fish doesn’t mean you’re taking on water. And you don’t think you’d trip over your own feet – or some dice – after a few drinks?” A few of them had the decency to look away. Some even pushed their mugs away. “Now I don’t want to hear another word about _strange occurrences_ , got it?” From behind the bar, he heard a groan and cleared his throat to cover the sound. “I’m going out and when I come back I don’t want any talk of this. Not even to me. Got it?”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked out the door. Behind him, he heard some murmurs but general silence from the men on the other side. He smiled as he pulled a pillow from beneath his grease-stained shirt. As he walked, he pulled off his beard and tossed it on the street. Another few steps and he wiped his face off all the makeup he’d applied as the chatter from the bar faded away.

Merlin stifled his laughter as he walked into the night.


End file.
